duminică, 2 octombrie 2011

I'm alive!


 Yesterday was my last day of work and this morning I left Jackson Hole.
To catch up I will say that after a while I got sick of my first job and the second job - though I enjoyed it and the team was great and we had fun - was killing me  because it was always crazy busy. In September, my first employer wanted to cut down our hours, I managed to convince him to let me work just enough to pay my rent and find a third job. So, instead of having more free time I ended up having only one evening off per week.
One thing I learned from this experience is that "I don't even have time to think" is not just an expression or a way of saying that you're very busy, but it can really happen. I would never imagine that this could be true, but it is.  Another thing is that this type of manual labor is really bad for my neurons...as much as I tried to find something that would stimulate some synapses, to  look for some psychological effects in everyone I worked with , causes for their behaviour...I still felt like my grey matter was getting softer and my neurons started dying...Don't get me wrong - I was awesome, I did great at all my three jobs ( I was The Sales Wo-Man at Moose on the Loos, where they did a special step-target bonuses just for me, I was The Sandwich Maker at Wendy's and the summer work&traveler who got the most hours and at the Whole Grocer everybody kept telling me what a good job I'm doing and how they've never seen anybody as good as me in that position).
I also got the confirmation of the fact that I could never do this for a living...I need to feel that I do something meaningful, that my efforts make a difference - I rather be paid poorly, but get satisfaction from my work  And I also got the confirmation of the fact that I am a perfectionist - no matter what I do, I have to be very good at it, the best if it's possible.

So, after I finished working like mad, I had a little party with my roommates, packed my things and took off. (I wish it was as spontaneous as it sounds, but it wasn't - it was planned, reserved and paid) So, now I'm in Salt Lake City airport waiting for the flight for L.A. where I will finally enjoy U.S.A. for 3 night and 4 days afterwards I'll get crazy in Las Vegas and then I'll put my "fitze" on in New York. Then and only then I will be ready to go back home.

Now I miss psychology and I'm nervous because I didn't do anything for my thesis (the dissertation). I tried to think about it...but the truth is that I have no clue where to start (actually I do, but I need some information that are not available online, cause - of course - I chose a subject that is so new that it's still being researched and tested...). but, at least, I came up with a plan.

I feel so exhausted...Now I can truly say that I understand what "burnout" and "under-stimulation" mean.

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