The Cinderella Pact

Sursa

I just saw the movie "Lying to Be Perfect" and it made me face some of the issues I've been dealing for the past...two years and the reason why on my plan of getting to a healthy life style, with a balanced meal plan, workout and enough amount of sleep, I wound up 15 pounds heavier and with the most screwed up diet ever (not only that I don't drink water unless I'm out of everything else, but I have a can of Coke every-God-given-day, I either eat all day long biscuits and cookies and all those products that have no nutritional value whatsoever, or two times a day - at least one of them around 11-12 at night...). It's like I've read all the books about nutrition and health (and trust me, not only that I read them, I memorized them!) and do everything wrong on purpose!

I realized that a while ago...but, of course, then came the question: why do I do that?

At the beginning there was the guilt of messing a guy up by breaking him into a million tiny pieces after gaining his trust and making him believe in love and people and happy ending.
Then, after I got the confirmation that I actually did the right thing, I went back to my screwed up dating scenario: broken boy, fix him up, dump him.
After a while I realized that I wasn't doing that for the good of human kind, but because I loved playing with people's lives, changing them into what I believe is good for them and for humanity, in general. So, basically playing God.
That was fun for a while, until I realized that (apart from what I've said before) the relationship - even if it gets them to where I want them to be - it did not make me, personally, happy.
So, after that I tried to go for the real thing and it didn't work out as I thought it would and, also, I realized I was not as confident as I thought I was...
And ever since then I've been struggling with my SS issues, planing one thing and doing everything to sabotage myself from accomplishing it.

So...Mr. Erickson or Stern or ... Adler, what should I do to get back, or...forward to the better, normal, stable version of ME? I've been telling myself that I don't need a guy to do that, but...do I? And is it weak to need someone? Or is it too...feminist to make it on your on? Ms. Ciorbea told us at one point that men are intimidated by women who have it all and they need to feel... needed. So...Independent and alone or dependent and... dependent? Is there something in-between?

Mree - Blood (The Middle East cover )